Motherhood

Most of us will have some experience of Motherhood, whether it's as being a child or being a mother. I understand some of those experiences may be painful and maybe you aren't a mum and want to be one, or you've lost your mum and miss her dreadfully, or maybe your experience of your mum wasn't a great one, or you are a mum and you're struggling to cope as a parent. As Mother's Day approaches I urge you to look beyond your difficulties and look to the positive influences either you have on your life or that you impart on others.

I've been very blessed in my life to have had not only a great Mum and be a mum myself, but also to know and have the support and love of some great motherly figures in my life. I've also known and loved many of my friends children as well as my nieces and nephew.

I can remember my mum coming home from a parents evening (I think it was my brothers' not mine?!) and retelling one of the teacher's comments to her. She had attended the evening with my Auntie, this was normal as Auntie was always there to support mum on such occasions whenever she could. The teacher had greeted them by saying, 'Ah Twin Mums' !!!

This may have been a little out of order but the reality was that Auntie was always there for us. No she wasn't mum, but she was and still is a huge part of our lives. Although she never married or had her own children she has had a huge influence on many of her friends children (many of whom still send her Christmas cards and presents) as well as in recent years influencing and being part of the lives of my friends children. In Bracknell, she is now dubbed 'a legend', and we all love her to bits.

As I mentioned in a previous blog I also had two lovely godmothers who were a huge part of my life when I was growing up too, as well as all the teachers and mums friends at church who imparted advice and wisdom on me. Most of all though I remember the love and support I felt and still feel when I remember those times.

Now I have many friends who have very positive influences on my life and offer advice and support about parenting and being a wife, as well as making lifestyle decisions. I also know that Gemma would not be the lovely girl she is if it wasn't for those same lovely women, supporting her, loving her, encouraging her and guiding her.

So as Mother's day approaches think about who you have in your life who helps, supports and loves you. And think about who you influence and can help, guide and encourage too.

Youth Culture

I have to admit that dealing with 'the youth of today' (and that can include young adults in their 2os!!) has become a bit of a struggle for me over the last couple of years. I'm sure when I was growing up my mum and her peers felt the same, 'ooh it wasn't like that in my day', 'when I was a lass...' and all such phrases you've heard a million times from your parents, grandparents etc etc....I find myself saying now.....how scary is that!!!! The old 'Hovis' advert with the lad cycling up a hill in long shorts to the tune of Largo from Dvorak's 'New World Symphony' sums it up really!!

Nostalgia's great but for me it can stop me moving on and embracing change and all the good things it has to offer. As a 47 year old mum of a teenage daughter dealing with youth culture is an everyday occurrence and one I'm finding a challenge!!

I think it was when the youth culture at our church exploded, and the attendance of LiFE, their Friday night meeting/gathering/event (whatever you want to call it) increased from around 50 to 350 plus that I began to really question my attitudes, and how I should try and understand 'the youth of today'.

So it's something I'm trying to address. God has his own idea of how I do that of course, and one such way is by putting me in the worship band I play in, along with two great 'young' guys, Dave and George, to help me understand them and their peers a bit more!!

My feeble way of dealing with it is to pray about it of course but I've also started reading a book Mend the Gap by Jason Gardner, which discusses whether the church can reconnect the generations. I'm only a few chapters in but already it has opened my eyes to many issues which the youngsters of today have to deal with, issues I didn't have to deal when I was growing up:

• How society naturally splits us into generational groups and the church tries to join us all together.


• How kids grow up in a brand culture now, and children even as young as preschool can depict which branded food they would rather eat. Bob the Builder sausage and beans or Tweenies?


• How non uniform days at senior school have higher rates of truancy than normal uniform days because kids are afraid of not fitting in or wearing the wrong clothes.

Add to all of that how the media run the show, and throw materialism at us as a society and our kids just embrace it as the norm. As well as how a large proportion of kids today experience broken family relationships, and I begin to realize how blessed I am to have had the upbringing I had, and how blessed I am to have the faith I have today to keep me on the right path and to keep growing me in my understanding of who I am and who God wants me to be.

The bible also has stuff to say about growing up, and a passage I know Gemma (my 13 year old daughter), is often reminded of at Oakwood Youth Challenge where she rides and helps out whenever possible (!!), is found in 1 Timothy 4:12 'Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.'

These are words we can all learn from however old we are. As a Christian I believe I need to 'train myself to be godly' (1 Timothy 4:7) and in doing so, I'll come to be more accepting of others and how God wants me to behave towards them, whether they're younger, older or the same age as myself. The 21st Century church has a hard job trying to pull us all together, but we as individuals need to embrace the challenge and work towards making it happen. Only then will we experience true community and acceptance of everyone.

My Mum

Today would have been my Mum's 85th birthday. I loved my mum...in fact I still do. She invested so much in me. So much time, teaching, love, wisdom and so many prayers I know were said for me and my brothers. She was a true inspiration and I miss her loads.


She didn't have an easy life although she never complained. In the 44 years I knew my mum she never had loads of money. She never owned her own property, she didn't drive, but you know what, she was happy. We were happy as a family. Mum kind of held us all together if you know what I mean. She was my rock, someone I could always go to, to off load and chat things through. There was a gentle inner peace about her and yet it wasn't wise to cross her either! After I got married and moved down south I would ring her most days for a chat to catch up on what we were both up to. I miss that.

Mum and Dad had a happy marriage although it had its difficulties. My eldest brother Peter was born the same year as Prince Charles. A very special day. Then Mum had a miscarriage and two more baby boys who both died in the 8 years before Alan was born. Also a very special day.Then I came along another 7 years later 19th November 1963. The only girl and also very special.

15 weeks later my Dad died of a heart attack very suddenly. And then we were four. Although I never knew my Dad I heard numerous stories about his sense of humour, his faith, the way he would torment my Auntie who he treated like a true sister and the love that he showed us all as his family.

So Mum was left with 3 children ranging from 15 years to 15 weeks and no money or insurances to pay out lump sums of money. My eldest brother Peter went out to work at 15 and would bring home his wages and give them to Mum. He took on the father role as best he could and I will be eternally grateful for all he did then, and as I was growing up to help me have a normal childhood.

We as a family will be eternally grateful for the love and support we received from our extended family. My Gran and Auntie who I can never remember not being there for us. They helped out with childcare and financially when they could but mostly it was just knowing they were there for us that counted.
My two godmothers Auntie Jean and Auntie Dorothy and Uncle Fred her husband, were also very much part of our family and I loved them all so much too.

Mum had a very strong faith and never doubted where she was going or whether God existed. I never remember her saying life wasn't fair or that she didn't deserve the suffering she had to deal with. She had a love of poetry and reading which she shared with us as children, reciting poems to us. Later in life she couldn't quite remember all the words but her love for them never died. She would sometimes recite hymns instead of singing them and that brought a whole new meaning to them.

Every time Mum visited me in Bracknell we would spend some time at the church bookshop so she could have a browse and would inevitably purchase more than one book before she went home. Some of her favourites were Patience Strong and Fiona Castle. We would often suggest books for one another to read, and discuss what we'd read. I miss that too.

Throughout my growing up Mum was in and out of hospital with numerous operations and yet she was a very strong woman. Her faith upheld her and love oozed out of her. She would always support me in my ventures. She'd let me have a go at decorating, gardening, cooking.....even though the results might not have been to the best of standards she let me try.

I can remember one such occasion when Alan was out in Sierra Leone teaching as a missionary and he came home on leave to witness the amateur job I'd done of papering a wall in the dining room. He was horrified and re did it as soon as possible!!! However Mum had encouraged me to have a go and had complimented me on my efforts.

Mum and Auntie were faithful supporters of me and my musical endeavours and would attend every concert possible. They were the only audience at one such event and yet were as enthusiastic in there support and applause as if the auditorium had been full!!

I feel very blessed to have had such a loving Mum and such a loving family. I know God had his hand on our lives and even though she suffered tragedy and pain in her life Mum knew God was her God and that He loved her without question. A true inspiration and a lovely lady.

Happy Birthday Mum

xxx