When I started this blog in March 2011 (two years ago nearly to the day....weird) I had no idea where the journey would take me. I still don't know where it's going or if this will be my last post, but I do know that it has been for a reason. I've shared some of my heart, my history, my life experiences and my faith but most of all I've written because I've had something to say. Over the last year I've felt I've had very little to say. A lot of that is down to disappointment, changes to my world, frustrations, the menopause and depression.
I met up with a lovely friend, and fellow blogger, by chance yesterday, and realised that I'm not on my own as far as erratic writing is concerned. This prompted me to search myself, to listen to my heart and determine if indeed I had something else to say. Well I think turning 50 later this year is a bit of a milestone so I may well dedicate this years blog to that approaching milestone and record some of my feelings, concerns, apathy, dread and excitement as the day approaches.
As I hinted at earlier, 2012 was not a great year for me. Wayne was very unsettled with his work which in turn affected us as a family at home more than I realised at the time. I didn't cope very well with not being busy (and am still struggling with that one), and my health was not great with the onset of the menopause and all the joys that brings, including a bout of depression. I still feel very lethargic and find motivating myself to do anything very difficult. One highlight of last year though was taking a wood working course. This is something I've always wanted to do and I long to make something with wood. I've started to build up my sets of tools and long for the warmer weather when I can get started on converting our summer house (shed at the bottom of the garden!!) into a warm and weather proof workshop. This will be MY space and I plan to spend long hours in there constructing beautifully crafted gifts for friends and family.......well a girl can dream can't she??
So will 2013 be more fulfilling? Will I face the truth and start living a happier life?
I had the privilege last night of rehearsing with the wonderful 'Sound Professors' which always blesses me, and before that listening to Amanda talk about Perfectionism versus Excellence. I was left with my head knowing the following.
- I know I need to live with a better perspective and concentrate on the positives rather than the negatives.
- I know I need to be kind to that artist in me.
- I know I need to KNOW that God loves me and let Him love me.
- I know I need to get over myself and not make self esteem my God.
- And I know I need to set realistic expectations of both myself and other people.
So here's looking to 2013 being a more constructive year practically, spiritually and emotionally, and praying that all I have to say is helpfull and positive and not the ramblings of a grumpy old woman!!!