Choices

I'm rapidly learning that the choices we make in life determine how we feel, how we react, how we affect and influence other people and ultimately how we are perceived by other people. I keep trying to tell myself that actually it doesn't matter what other people think of me but I know that deep down that isn't true.

This week I made some easy choices and some difficult choices. Choices that have affected the rhythm of my day to day life, but all choices that are growing me and choices that are affecting others.

I chose to attend 'Fourteen' again, a day of rest, a Sabbath day for me and one I had booked in last month since I had experienced the peace and calm of the last one. (Girls I appeal to you take time to make the time to do it if you can, it's well worth it). This was a day where I put aside the washing, cleaning and ironing I should have been doing to catch up after being away, but a day where I felt totally at peace with my decision and what God wanted to say to me throughout the day.

I chose to celebrate and share life with friends. To cultivate relationships, to use my gifts of hospitality and encouragement. I chose to attend parents evening and support and encourage Gemma as she progresses through school. I chose to write notes on what the teachers said for Wayne, as he's had to travel to Liverpool for work.

I chose to be vulnerable and be interviewed for the programme which you will receive if you attend 'Real 2011'. Another step of faith, a teaching moment, a time to reconsider how God has been there for me over the last few months in particular.

The hardest choice I've had to make this week is to accept some more work. This is the one thing in my life at the moment which really throws my rhythm off kilter. I can't explain the panic I feel when I get a call or an email asking me to attend a meeting or work on a new project. Wayne is amazing and has such faith in my abilities I just wish I shared it!! I know I can only do my best, I know it will grow me and I will learn so much, but just the thought of applying myself mentally in a very foreign world, makes me feel sick and anxious. I'm sure this has something to do with 'age' and the fact that I've been out of the workplace for so long, but it doesn't really help me deal with it!! I feel like I'm trundling up the rollercoaster about to reach the peak and the anticipation of the drop is causing my stomach to churn and lose all sense of perspective!

However I do know that God will use all of these choices, the easier ones and the hard ones to mould me, to grow me, to stretch me and to use me. I just need to hold onto that truth as I try and manage my time, and fit it all in. This time next week it will all be over and hopefully the choices I've made this week will have had positive affects on people and I'll be perceived in a good light by my friends, family and work colleagues but most importantly by God.