Challenges

Some weeks ago I blogged about some of the Choices I'd made that week, and one of them was the choice to accept some work. If you've read that blog entry you'll see I was trying to be positive about it, and was thankful it would be all over in a week.
Well that week has come and gone and so has another one and I still haven't finished the work!!

Nearly three years ago I made the decision to re train in IT. It involved attending a week long course learning lots of new skills and new terminology. I am not from a business background and the specific area I was training in was very sales based and involved lots of business and sales lingo.

This initial retraining, after being out of the workforce for 12 years doing voluntary work, was a considerable challenge!! However with the help of Wayne and some of his lovely colleagues I managed to take on my first project and survive!!! I learnt loads and subsequently have done other projects for Waynes' company as a self employed consultant (all sounds very grand I know.....but the reality is each time I get a project, I'm learning new skills, and as I blogged earlier become nervous and panicky!!!).

There have been positives and negatives about doing this work. The main positive for me as well as the money of course, is that now I understand more of what Wayne does for a living and can empathise with his workload and frustrations.

Apart from my lack of confidence the main negative is the nature of the work. It's very hit and miss and being a creature of habit and routine I find that difficult to deal with.

I've had to deal with lots of change over the last few years. My role as a mum has changed as Gemma started secondary school and started to become much more independent. My role in the church has changed as I had to give up activities to allow time to work. I'm no longer a daughter. Some of my friendships have changed. All these have been challenges I've had to deal with, but looking back I know God has been there through it all.

My biggest challenge now is to decide if this work scenario is for me. The last two weeks have made me feel  stressed and inadequate. I know that isn't all down to my lack of skills, and a lot of the blame lies with the requirements I was given, but it hasn't stopped me feeling a bit rubbish about myself!!
I know God has a plan for me, a plan to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), but I'm now considering my future and what those plans might look like.

I would love the writing to be on the wall, or for someone to speak to me and say this is what you should be doing, or for a magic wand to be waved and it all to go away, or a big fat cheque to fall through the door and me not have to work at all......!!! I know we all have challenges to deal with. They may not be work related, they may involve relationships or the desire for a family or a wife/husband or a disabled child or an ageing parent or a sick spouse or caring for someone with a terminal illness. All I know is that this challenge for me is one I'm going to have to rely on God to help me sort out. I don't have the answer but I trust God has, and will give me some kind of guidance in what steps to take next.